WWW. Tremendous effort, impressive research: and good use of theories.
LR:Check spelling (especially of theorist names), Don't simply put theorists in but explain how the theory links, define it and include a reference. Condense essay.
My WWW/ EBI:
www: good use of quotes, theories, research is good.
Ebi: explain theories and more quotes, correct spelling, correct bibliography, condense essay.
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